Echoes of Care: What My Nurse Mother Taught Me About Life

"It's the heart in the care. My mother ran a tight ship, but she taught me that the 'why' and 'how' of caring are dictated by the person before you, not just the processes." - Michelle Coolidge (originally posted to Facebook October, 2023)

So, I'm a little bit like my mom. Just in case you didn't know that I thought I'd tell you. Even just this morning as I was having coffee with her, we came to a point of discussion that it became apparent we were going to see which one caved first. She simply said, "I'm not going to argue with you." Family can picture the look in both of our eyes as we agreed to move on. 

But I really need to share that I left there so damn proud of her.  Not because of HER stubbornness, but because of her heart and her fight. In our conversation I was reminded of the nurse I looked up to. And not just because of the rules and checklists she could master. But as we talked, she gave several examples of the importance of relationship and respect for the different needs of people in a "care" environment - whatever it may be - understanding the progression of and changes a person experiences as a result of aging beyond where her own body has started to fail her. The "why" behind the mechanics of care matter and she recalls things that seem so simple but are hard to recall in the moment of decision. Respect for personal living space, dignity in communication, patience in faltering mobility...all inform decisions in protocol based on the human that is before you.  It's the heart in the care.

My mother ran a tight ship. And I have been told by another nurse that, in her profession, you either loved her or hated her. I have no doubt. Accountability in the profession was/is not to be taken lightly with her. Processes made sense and yet the person she was caring for - whether it be the 88-year-old or the 8-year-old later in her career - ultimately dictated the why and how.

Behind the tired eyes, the wrinkles, the stooped back, I saw my mother. The resolute brunette who shot from the hip and said it plain, so you understood. Today told me that even though her mind forgets, or she gets anxious over something I think is petty, or her "standards" are archaic, she STILL has the ability to draw on her empathy as a caregiver, apply it to real-time situations, and verbalize the importance of the why. It sometimes takes her a bit longer to do so - she gets mad that her "comeback" wasn't fast enough - but man how impressive is it to hear her decades worth of experience still flow from her heart.

The day will come that will no longer be possible. I'm so grateful that day was not today.